Honest Anime Trailers: GURREN LAGANN
by Insertnameheretwentytimes
Summary: SPOILERS AHEAD! Brutal honesty Strong Language Strong Sarcasm


**From the depths of Japan when it gets awesome and gets away from the little girl porn**

**Comes this super manly anime that'll make your balls drop before puberty **

**But they won't since you are an anime otaku**

**And it says "f*bleep* you" to logic**

**While wearing badass aviator sunglasses that somehow support themselves without an actual frame**

**GURREN LAGANN**

**Travel to an Earth that has all humans living underground like the animals we are**

**And those who try to go above the surface are killed**

**But there are a few that will try**

**Meet Simon, a boy that digs tunnels for a living and has a pet furball**

**He is badgered by his bro, Kamina, who looks like he's from Magic Mike**

**He and some other group of people along with Simon try to get to the "Surface" as they call it**

**But the underground village chief catches them and has Kanima in wooden cuffs**

**Simon goes back to his boring job and finds a tiny drill **

**He keeps it and when he continues digging, he finds a head **

**He goes over to Kamina in jail and almost drills his dick to tell him he has found something**

**When they are about to get to it, a giant bull face Gundam-I mean-Gunman crashes into the village along with a hot girl with a gun**

**When everything goes to hell, Simon shows the two the face and it turns out to be a tiny Gundam-Argh-GunMAN**

**He uses his tiny drill thing to activate it and they fly up and destroy the Gunman**

**After that, they manage to get above and into the Surface**

**Of course, they have to have Simon crashing into a pair of bouncy booobs first**

***that clip of Simon in Yoko's breasts***

**Lucky... ****Wait, she's fourteen? Damnit, Japan!**

**Join these three in their awesome heart-pounding journey as they explore the Surface**

**And create a giant robot that is the name of the show**

**Along the way, you'll meet characters in which you'll forget their names unless they are said during the show because their names are just too uncommon**

**Like...**

**This gay guy **

**This boy with a large forehead**

**Guy with yellow spiky hair**

**Some other dude**

**And some more that you won't remember**

**When the group was barely fully assembled, Kamina decides to go after a giant ship**

**And this gorilla man goes and kills him, spoiler alert**

**This turns Simon into a pussy and he just sits around moping about Kanima**

**But when he finds a box, a girl pops out of it **

**He takes her home like if she were a stray puppy**

**And this causes that one girl in the group to flip her s*bleep***

**They try to develop their relationship**

**Sooooo... **

**Let's all forget all about Kamina's death with a fanservice beach episode!**

**And watch as little girls in swimsuits get googly eyes from grown men**

**I spoke too soon when Japan got away from the little girl porn...**

**After more story development and fights with furries in robots, Simon goes up against Lordgenome, a guy with spiral chest hair and curly beard**

**That's how evil he is **

**They fight and he gets defeated by...**

***shot of Simon forcing the Core Drill into Lordgenome***

**This tiny drill **

**The giant robot didn't kill you first, but the tiny drill? That's bull*bleep*! **

**But before he dies, he gives the classic "villain giving final words that are going to be important later in the story" which is the Moon is going to attack humans when the population is too high**

**Haha, that will never happen, right? **

**Anyway, fast forward seven years later after his death, humanity is living on the surface and technology is very advanced even though... you know? They were living underground their entire lives?**

**Wow, this makes today look stupid**

**What have YOU done in seven years?**

**Simon goes from puny boy to hot stuff in seven years**

**But his voice hasn't changed one bit**

**He is the... president? Mayor? Whatever. He is the leader of this new city **

**He then asks the girl he found in a box to marry him, but she turns him down because she doesn't know what a marriage proposal is**

**Then Simon tries another time and she accepts, only to turn into Cortana from Halo and**** disappears**

**It turns out that's because the population counter hits 1,000,000 while it was in the center of the moon **

**Then the moon sends weird Tron-like things to destroy the city**

**Meanwhile, Simon goes and destroys the thing, but is turned into a criminal by Rossiu, the forehead boy, which FYI is a dick and he is totally banging his female assistant**

**So he gets thrown into his own jail and meets his long-time rival/Kamina's rival **

**Blah, blah, blah more stuff happens**

**Skip, skip, skip...**

**Oh, here we go**

**They save the girl, blah, blah**

**Anti-Spirals... blah... Spiral stuff...**

**Okay, let's just get to the point**

**Get ready for the most badass unrealistic fight of your life because it has...**

**Things your inner 9 year-old will love**

**Giant robots**

**Bigger giant robots**

**Giant robots going into giant robots**

**Giant robots in giant robots punching giant robots**

**Throwing galaxies like ninja stars**

**EVEN BIGGER GIANT ROBOTS punching giant robots**

**AW, that thing has like six faces!**

**Bam, bam!**

**Aw, he just cut right through him!**

**Sooo... I'm just wondering, did he bang the girl before she disappeared? Just curious**

**Starring...**

**Hanataro Yamada (Simon before timeskip)**

**Channing Tatum (Kamina)**

**Young Bayonetta (Yoko)**

**Johnny Yong Bosch because... Johnny Yong Bosch (Rossiu)**

**Pedobear (Leeron)**

**It's Peanut Butter Jelly time! Peanut Butter Jelly time! (Kittan in his Gunman)**

**Princess Peach (Nia)**

**K-On! (Kinon, Kiyal, and Kiyoh)**

**Jet Black (Lordgenome)**

**Ganondorf (Thymilph)**

**Cirque du Soleil performer (Cytomander)**

**Old Ninja Mutant Turtle (Guame) **

**Female Nnoitra Gilga (Adiane)**

**Straight Grell (Viral)**

**And...**

**Lazy animation (The Anti-Spiral)**


End file.
